WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
