I think my vagina is haunted
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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