I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
