this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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