who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
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you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I can feel your judgement through the phone
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