I think i peed on brittanys purse
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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