I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
