Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
