I'm really into asian looking animals
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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