Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
