i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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