i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
