Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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