how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
