my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
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