The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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