i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
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