Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
