I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
