We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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