Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
