It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
