Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
