Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
