But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Houston, we have a squirter
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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