Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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