i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
