this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
