there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
