just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
