i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
