She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
