i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
