I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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