brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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