I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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