Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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