Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
