Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
either way he was missing a nipple.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Randomize
