okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
