i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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