I wish life had little blips of pornography
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
