Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
