we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
