Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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