My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
