I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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