Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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