Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
