Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
