im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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