a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
third nipple confirmed
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
