Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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