Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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