the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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