how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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