dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
