I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
