My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
it was like his penis was on wheels.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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