dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
