I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
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