Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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