I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
