It's like God shit irony all over that family
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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