Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
