There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize