dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
