Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
