After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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