I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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