remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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