me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
