Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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