Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
