office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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