this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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