I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
